To celebrate Mothering Sunday we sat down for a chat with Tanya and Elle who settled into family life with their 2 year old adopted son this January. We’ll learn why adoption felt like the right course over other options, the difference a close relationship with your adoption social worker makes…And how sometimes things can just click and despite setbacks are just meant to be.
“So, our adoption story began in January last year, begins Tanya, “Ffion came out to visit us initially and we’ve felt lucky to have her with us throughout the journey.
“Yeah she’s been amazing, adds Elle, “I don’t think we would have got through it all without her.”
“IVF was never really on the cards for us. We were thinking of the amount of children who are waiting for stable, loving homes, the amount of money it would cost with the chance of it being unsuccessful…and just thought that’s money we can spend helping a child.”
Following making their initial enquiry last year a quick response ensued from WBAS and the initial visit from a social worker to discuss things in more detail was arranged. Here at WBAS wherever possible, we ensure that the social worker that visits you initially is with you for the entirety of your journey, helping to foster such an important journey early and continuing to be there for you beyond.
“It’s been literally 375 days now from the day we made the initial enquiry to him coming home with us, says Tanya.
“Of course there have been some doubts and hurdles along the way but Ffion has always been there with us reassuring when needed, sometimes you just need a little text or maybe a chat to remind us, that the stuff we are doing, it is natural.”
“Between Stage 1 and Stage 2 of the process my Grandpa passed away, says Elle, “Ffion offered supported us and offered us take a breather and a pause from the process if needed. We didn’t because he was so proud of what we were doing and wanted to honour that, but it was great to have that flexibility and empathy on hand”
“There’s so much community and support from other adopters and WBAS”
“During our research we were looking at a few different agencies across South Wales but the LGBTQI+ inclusivity and friendliness just shined through for us on the WBAS website and social media” says Tanya.
“We could also see from the start from the level of post adoption support available which was a help in making that early agency decision” adds Elle.
“We’ve been going to Jenny and Meg’s Connection Circle group for new adoption parents and our little one absolutely loves it! He loves the other children there and gets excited when we are going”.
“There’s a bit of myth out there that once you adopt that’s it get on with it, you are on your own kind of thing. In our case at least that’s not been the case at all. There’s so much community and support from other adopters and WBAS.”
“I’m in a Facebook group, says Tanya, “and some of the experiences are totally different to ours in terms of the support available. It’s a shame as everyone should have access to what we have at WBAS”.
Onto the Adoption Panel and then Family Finding and the couple again drew upon the strength of their relationship with Ffion their social worker.
“We were quite nervous for Panel, explains Tanya, “but there wasn’t many questions to be honest, the work that Ffion had done with our PAR (Prospective Adopter Report) meant that we were looking at a straightforward approval.”
“With regards to the Matching for our little one we actually saw his profile before attending any profiling events to give us an idea. We didn’t think too much of it all at the time as we were not quite ready to start the matching process formally, but something about him just stuck with us” says Elle.
“We then heard that a potential match he had with other adopters had broken down and felt quite sad to begin – sad that it hadn’t work for him.
“We were then told he would be featured in the next children’s profiling event, receiving updated profile booklets we just kept getting drawn back to him. We were then asked if we wanted to do a chemistry meeting with him which was the big changing point.” says Elle.
“I think on day 2 of Transition he started calling us Mum which was lovely”
“We felt that chemistry strong from the start, says Tanya, “the professionals agreed with this and the Match was officially made! We never actually read another child’s profile it was always about him”.
“We have friends in the WBAS adopter community who’ve experienced similar experiences of early connection and attachment. We see each other in the Connected Circle group and its nice to see how our similar journeys have come full circle”. “We know that’s not the case for everyone and we feel lucky that it has been ours”.
“At the chemistry meeting the way he just held our hands and walked off to the swings in the park, he was oblivious of everyone else and we were in our own little world together.”
“I’m a Social Care Manager, continues Tanya, “that experience has put me in good stead and I’m just passionate about advocating for those who need it. I also know you sometimes have to change your plans and be adaptable to the person or child.”
“I’m an Aesthetic Nurse says Elle, “so I guess we both have experience with people when they are at their most vulnerable.”
“Transition went really well, we start Bump In’s (planned, informal meetings between adoptive parents and their foster carers) at the beginning of January which were pretty regular, then we had a weekend break so we could all rest a bit before starting the formal transition process”.
“It was fab from the start. We created a transition book which had elements from our house and life to familiarise him slowly. We filmed ourselves doing a bed time story for him. It’s little things like this that make a big difference to the process. There’s a lot of work that goes into it to ensure a successful transition – the foster carers were amazing!”
“I think on day 2 of Transition he started calling us Mum which was lovely, adds Elle. “Overall Placement has been really good, he knows this is his home now and gets excited when we get close on our way back from Playgroup or something.
“He gets really excited about things, we’ve got a little dog and they are like best friends. They are never apart. The first night going to bed was a bit challenging he was quite unsettled but after that initial night he goes at his usual time and sleeps through. We kept the foster carers routine where he has a bath and then a story or some TV and this has really helped.”
“He has to have a little fist bump and high first with the both of us and the dog, laughs Tanya. It’s a dream at the moment to be honest but were aware there can be future challenges or uncertainties. Some of his speech is a little delayed but it’s starting to catch up now.
“His brother has Global Development Delay and is waiting on a diagnosis of Autism but we haven’t seen anything from our little one to suggest he’s on that pathway. We will deal with things as they arise. People say it takes a village to raise a child well we’ve got an army!
“He’s got 2 sets of grandparents, uncles, aunties, and we’ve got lot’s of close friends who are always available to help us at a drop of a hat! Everyone is besotted with him and we will luckily never lack anyone to support us.”
“I will say that if we didn’t have this support network we would have found this whole thing a lot harder, says Elle. “Ffion our social worker is part of this, just the little conversations and exchanges, when we had his first successful potty training, she was the first one we told!
“We see her as an extension of our journey and a big part of our story and not just a social worker”
“Mothers Day this year will certainly be different due to being parents but he’s obviously very young. We’ve done some paint handprints we made them into bunches of flowers in a vase which is nice” says Tanya.
“We’re also having an afternoon tea with all the family which will be lovely.
“We will also remember his Birth Mum, as we do every day. We hope she can take some comfort in how much we love this little one and how we will always try our best to care for and protect him.”