For adopters Emma and Leanne, their journey to parenthood was shaped not only by love and anticipation, but also by an unexpected period of uncertainty that tested their resilience and mental wellbeing.
“We heard about Finley around August last year,” Emma recalls. “She was around nine months old at the time and was due to move in with us quite swiftly. Things didn’t quite work out like that, though.”
What followed was a difficult and unpredictable wait. The birth mother appealed the placement order, and alongside further delays and rescheduled plans, Finley’s move was pushed back until December.
“She was originally supposed to be with us before turning one,” Emma explains. “There was so much going on, I was working in unstable conditions and turning down work because I thought he was going to move in.”
For both Emma and Leanne, the emotional toll was significant.
“That period was just so unsettling,” says Leanne. “We didn’t know if we were coming or going.”
The uncertainty reached a peak when the couple began their adoption leave, expecting Finley’s placement, only for it not to happen.
“That felt like the final straw,” Leanne adds.
A Rollercoaster of Emotions
Emma acknowledges that risk is part of the adoption process, including the possibility of a birth parent appealing a decision, but they hadn’t expected it to happen to them.
“What added to the complexity was that Finley’s foster carer was about to go on a two-week holiday, so she was due to move into respite care. We really wanted to avoid her moving again.”
The couple agreed to proceed with Introductions in the hope of a smooth transition, but the day before they were due to start, everything changed.
“There was no news… and then came the call. The appeal had been filed – I had to go back to work,” Emma says.
Sharing their journey with loved ones added another layer of pressure.
“We had told close friends and family that everything was happening,” Emma explains. “When plans fell through, it was really hard managing everyone’s expectations.”
Both Emma and Leanne describe the experience as a “rollercoaster” that impacted their mental health.
“We’re both quite compartmentalised,” says Emma. “But it definitely took its toll.”
“Leanne was living on her nerves during all that uncertainty,” she adds. “There was a lot of pressure to maintain normality.”
Looking back, Emma reflects on how they might approach things differently.
“I’d probably be more cautious about what we share and when. Keeping things more private until they’re certain would have helped protect us emotionally.”
Finding Ways to Cope
Through that difficult period, maintaining routines became an important anchor.
“What we found really helpful was keeping life as normal as possible,” says Leanne.
“It was the little things,” Emma adds. “Going to the market, going for walks, going to football, just living life as we had before. Not letting the disappointments take over.”
When Finley finally moved in, the emotional impact of the preceding months became even clearer.
“That’s when I realised how hard Leanne had found everything,” Emma explains. “She’s always been a bit nervous about having children, and although she was so excited, it all felt overwhelming when it finally happened.”
“Lots of doubts surfaced,” says Leanne. “Questions about whether we could really do this.”
Gradually, things improved as they found ways to look after their wellbeing.
“Getting back into exercise, seeing people, getting out of the house, it all helped massively,” says Emma. “Even the weather improving after a long winter made a difference.”
There were also meaningful moments as a new family.
“Seeing snow together for the first time was really special,” Leanne says.
The Importance of Support
Support played a vital role in helping them through both the waiting period and life after placement.
Leanne had already been engaged in independent therapy, which she says was invaluable.
“If I hadn’t had that, I would have reached out to the adoption support team for help.”
The couple also emphasise the importance of open communication with their social workers.
“Our social worker Rachel was really respectful of where we were,” Emma says. “Sometimes we weren’t easy to work with because we were struggling, but she understood that.”
“We’ve always been open about how we’re feeling,” she continues. “Communication is so important to get the right support.”
“Rachel and Mel have been incredible,” Leanne adds. “We built real trust with them during Introductions, and they’ve had our back throughout.”
Looking Ahead
Now, with Finley settled into family life, Emma and Leanne are enjoying watching her grow and develop.
“We were worried about her walking at one point,” Emma says, “but now she’s sprinting around like a little whirlwind!”
“It’s great fun, though a bit stressful at times,” she laughs. “But it’s opened up a whole new world for us. She loves the swings, and we’re really starting to see her personality shine through.”
With the uncertainty behind them, their support network has stepped in strongly.
“My parents have been amazing,” Emma says. “All that stress and frustration has really melted away now.”
Looking forward, the couple are thoughtful about how they will support Finley as she grows up as an adopted child.
“We want to be really sensitive to her identity,” Emma explains.
“It can be hard growing up with questions,” adds Leanne, “even if we do our best to answer them.”
They are already engaging with Letterbox contact and are open to future support if needed.
“As the years go on, we may need more support from WBAS,” says Emma. “Things like Play Therapy could be really helpful, it’s an approach I really value.”
A Message for Mental Health Awareness Month
Emma and Leanne’s story is a powerful reminder that adoption journeys are not always straightforward and that uncertainty can have a real impact on mental health.
Their advice to others is simple but meaningful: look after yourselves, keep communication open, and don’t underestimate the value of support.
If you’ve been affected by any of the issues in this blog and need to speak to our adoption support team please click here