Can you tell us a little about yourself and what inspired you to adopt?
I always knew I wanted to be a mum and the ‘conventional method’ meet a partner, get married and have a baby didn’t work out for me. I was in my early 40’s and realised that being a mum was more important than anything else, after lots of thinking and discussion with family and friends, I made the phone call to apply to be a solo adopter.
Can you tell us a bit about your adoption journey?
The entire process took 9 months, from attending preparation training, the assessment and finally being matched with my daughter.
Learning about my daughter was simply amazing but also a massive roller-coaster of emotions – I questioned myself would I be enough for her, would I be able to support her to understand her story, can I really do it on my own – these worries were eased by my wonderful social worker and network of family and friends, who pointed out every parent has these worries and that I was more than enough being her mum.
The introduction stage was just over a week. Initially this felt like a forever but it flew by and before I knew it I was at home with my daughter for our first night together – I didn’t sleep a wink due to constantly checking she was ok! The lack of sleep has continued and my self-care is buying a lot of face creams to ‘hide’ the bags under my eyes!!
Did you find it difficult to adopt as a single person?
No, I did not find it difficult, WBAS was supportive from the outset and linked me with another solo adopter and our children are now best friends! I was told on the preparation training and by my social worker that solo adoptions are more successful than couples adopting, no arguments over who puts the bins out!
What is your advice to anyone thinking about adopting on their own?
Do it! Sadly there is stigma around being a single parent and more-so for single men who want to adopt.
Find your village and make it BIG! During the adoption assessment there is a lot of discussion about making sure you have people around you who can help you through the process; from dropping off a lasagne for you as you will be shattered during the early stages of introductions to a shoulder to cry on – you need people who aren’t just there when it’s easy. Other key people in ‘your village’ are friendships you make with other adopters, as connections with people who understand what you are going through is a HUGE support.
And finally, what has adoption meant to your life?
Becoming a solo adopter has completed me. My daughter has my mannerisms, independence and determination, which means we can clash at times!! A lot of people say ‘you have done a wonderful thing and your daughter is so lucky’ … my reply is ‘my daughter isn’t lucky, she has been through so much in her life, I am the lucky one as it is a privilege to be her adoptive mum and to see her grow, explore the world and find her feet.
If adoption is something you have considered, but want to learn more, please contact us for an informal discussion. We will support you every step of the way and help to create your family.
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