May 12 – 16 is Mental Health Awareness Week, the theme this year is Community which is something that is very important in the lives of adopters and their children.

We caught up with Leanne who recently adopted for the second time with WBAS to learn more about how she had been dealing with some difficult emotions since adopting in 2021.

Can you share some of the emotions you struggled with early in your adoption journey?

“It all started when we first adopted in May 2021,” explains Leanne.

“Everything was great at the start, loving life, things changed quite quickly however when I returned to work.

“I had horrendous separation anxiety, people would ask me how I was and I would burst into tears!

“Lot’s of difficult emotions started to emerge, a lot of guilt, I was thinking about Olivia’s birth parents a lot.

“I was overthinking about the birth parents, they are just people at the end of the day and everyone makes mistakes which can be costly.

“Anxieties over Olivia’s future were also surfacing – would she just up and leave us at some point?

“I’ve got a lot of empathy for birth mum and her family,” explains Leanne, “I would do anything for Olivia, give my right arm, the pain they must feel, losing a child.”

“I also didn’t at times feel worthy, which exacerbated the guilt. I’ve got so much empathy for birth parents that I could just feel some of their pain.

“I reached out to my GP because the overthinking was worsening and they prescribed me anti-depressants, I also sought out Talk Therapy sessions which really helped to bring me back to earth a bit.

“The therapist just validated everything I was feeling. Post adoption depression is similar to postpartum depression and can arise due to the stress of it all.

“By processing and discussing things with her I was able to pull from the anxieties a little and live more in the now.  I do however still have some regrets that I never met birth mum.

“That’s a big message from me for new adopters really, meet the birth parents early on as it can take a lot of the unknown away and alleviate overthinking.

How are things progressing with everything now?

“We are probably looking at a FASD diagnosis for Olivia, there’s so much information out there for this and it’s quite overwhelming. Prenatal alcohol and drug exposures in adoption is so prevalent unfortunately.

“A post-placement course on FASD and other conditions would be really beneficial as it is all quite challenging to deal with. Things were great at the start but there’s been a lot of regression in things such as toilet training.

“There are other potential diagnoses which we are waiting to have assessed such as ADHD, ASD and Sensory Disorder.

“Sometimes it’s just about sticking your hand up and saying, ‘I’ve adopted this child, I need help’.

“I’m so grateful to our social worker Beth, she just totally reassured us during all of this recently and just said, ‘I’ve got you’.

“Beth made a referral to the adoption support team and Meg (Senior Adoption Support Social Worker) was soon with us at home to do some therapeutic sessions.

“One morning Olivia was hitting lumps out of me on way to school, my partner Kerri went ahead to the school to pre-warn them and they were great in supporting us and helping to calm her down.

What else has helped you with these present day challenges?

“The Early Help Hub have been great too and Action for Children. The Adoption Support Service in WBAS is great, I think more awareness needs to be made of them early in the process by your social worker.

“The adopter community is your safety net though. There is no stigma attached and it’s much easier to turn to people who’ve been through the same challenges as you.

“We’ve made friends in the WBAS adoption community and we go on holidays together, there is no judgement, no pressure with meltdowns – they’re like family.

“We keep in touch with a lot of people who’ve been involved along the way such as Olivia’s old social worker, her foster carer – they’ve all been a big part of her life so far.

“In regards to her birth parents if she wants to meet them in the future, physically we can do that.  I’ve created an email address for stuff to be sent and collected too – of course I will review and manage this.

“Olivia has met her older siblings face to face, in the future we will look at days out together, its not their fault that they live separately now and it’s important for them to have that sense of connection.

Any final messages Leanne?

“Meet birth parents if you can early on in the process 100%. Also if you don’t gel totally with your adoption social worker early on then ask to change the person – it’s too important an relationship to not get right.

“Also more training on FASD and other issues is needed. Finally, reach out to your support services, speaking up and getting early intervention is so important!”

For more information on Mental Health Awareness Week and the support available please click here

To speak to our adoption support team please click here